Sunday, December 16, 2012
this is awkward hahaha.. i been left for not updating my blog is something that i missed in this world. I miss writing, i miss updating this blog and i even missed my chatbox. so okay how are u? how are u my readers? where is my big fans? i'm back! but in a different person i guess. i may be not updating about kim hyun joong anymore or kpop. hahaha surprised! now i will write something that i never even across in my mind before. i will confess more about what i feel and what i do everyday life. its sucks. i been in this life for more than 22 years and theres nothin interesting that come out whats the best for me. YET! what i know is i been heart broken like so many time just because i desperate for a new life with a new people. Bukan sebab apa tapi apa salahnya buat sesuatu yang boleh cipta satu memori yang tak akan pernah dilupakan. however, ada satu lah.. the reason why i didn't write anything in this blog because i been accepted to further my study at somewhere. You don't have to know what somewhere stands for. haha. internet is worldwide. many people will find out eventually. and i don't think you want it to be in trouble. As far as i can tell you its a religious university. huhu. Alhamdulillah it's beyond imagine what i'm thinking. so i will do my best for this second chance opportunities. Insyaa Allah will do as much as i can to change my life 5 years from now :)
ok. back to reality topic.i been heart broken by two guys so far. hahaha. tapi yang mulakan dulu semuanya ialah saya sendiri. karma! entah lah ah... and now i want to write about him! only that guy. yg seorang tu no need lah since i don't have the feeling towards him anymore. ok he is someone that i can rely on. he is very kind and cared? is it? i knew him from our kupusb page. i was at this place where i can have a free wireless. i'm with my friends, hanging out there. research for our assignments topic. so no wonder wireless is needed in this case. masa boring-boring tu kan i check at this group where many mahasiswa dan mahahasiswi kupusb are there. scroll over it so many times sampai ke bawah. kan di sana u can find 'member of this page' right? suddenly i found his facebook! my first reaction was like 'wow, who is this guy?' i can't help myself to click his facebook right away. And i click it with no doubt at all! it's funny when i stared a minute just to get to see and read all his information. of course if u want to know him better u need to add him as a friend kan? mula-mula ego and i said to myself "i don't have to add him. nanti dia dah ada yang punye" so i just leave it for awhile hehehe.. surprisingly in the between of our time at 11pm i guess hati ni kuat dah tersangkut nak kenal that guy. really! so saya ambil keputusan add him as a friend...
15 minutes after that....
he approves my request! waaah happy lah. i read all his status malam tu sebelum tidur. i even like his status. jiwang but nice.
tomorrow, on saturday (i still remember this)
On 3pm, i was at class while waiting for our kokurikulum subject.I talked with my friend about him (only her) that i want to be friend with him. i think i'm ready u know. so i played this jokes and wrote at his inbox "Assalammualaikum, boleh kenalan?" masa tu belum send lagi. it was full bewildered expression either i want to send it or not. nervous lah. Astonishingly my friend took the phone from my hand. i thought she wants to read what i wrote but when i want to take it back and i saw that she sends the message already! i was screaming like hell.. and shouting her name! why she did this to me? i am not ready yet... crazy! hahahaha. tapi dalam hati cakap "will see how" suka lah tu. wah i like that guy so much that i got the nerve to do that by the help( is it) of my friend unporposely. and i wait.. wait till the night was come.. he replied mine. walaupun masa malam atu was a bit lunatic because i been so lunatic waiting for his response. that was the first moment when i knew that he is a really nice guy. i miss those moment. tapikan it's so hard lah masatu menunggu semua balasannya. As you know it's was a ridiculous moment ever. kalau ia balas happy macam apa. oh it was embarrassing. Adalah lagi yang memalukan when i'm too formal with him. b'kita-kita ani wah! apa kes? entah lah. i don't want to remember it either. Until i got the courage to get his phone number. hmm why is it everything on me first? pity right. Baguslah he gaves his number to me. At least we can contact via phone that u called 'whatsapp' nowadays. Ia ada bagitahu line nya 2g.. kadang2 lambat masuk mesej atu. signal slow.. ok... huhu.
next, all conversation started at whatsapp. we usually texting every night. i guess malam atu mungkin signal nya laju and memuaskan. we talked and talked.. he even told me and share some stories at me. good memories. i miss that moment so much :)
On 23rd October 2012 ( i officially met him during the graduation day) not to forget this senior graduated this year. yup! sedih lah. when he first told me on the text that he graduated i feel not surprise but just impressive? entah for once more again. no idea! mungkin thinking like 'alaah inda dapat jumpa ia lagi di kupusb' macamatu kali.. more like disappointed? iakah? hehe.okay masatu i look fat with that baju kurung rasmi kupusb haha. i brought my LUMIX camera thinking to take a photos of my friends only. Lain plang kejadiannya.. Adalah this senior asking me 'ada pas mengambarkah?' masatu bengang habis. i thought i can took photos whenever i want. Its only i was so excited to take photos of our His Majesty later. So i said "No" and she asked me again "gambar untuk apani? kupusb or persendirian?" so i said "kupusb" hahahaha rasakan mengambar dan berjumpa dengan senior tu. the one i whatsapp with him everyday. It's such a relieve that kakak senior tu brought me to take the pas. so i can took photos anything i want. I asked kakak senior "ka, boleh gambar lelaki2 yg graduate kah?" and kaka said "sure boleh" and she brought me to them. Masatu i was so nervous because ramai lelaki. Inda biasa menghadapi benda macamani. Still, i look cool to myself. Ambil gambar candid. Until i saw him for the first time in my whole life! Jauh plang kami berdua masatu. He sat there with his friends and i was stand there. Thanks to my camera. Awesome zoom in and out. So i called his name. He looked at me and smile.i wave to him and i gave this sign. kira 'lihat sini, ambil gambar ramai2' and he understand what i mean.i really want to know what is his reaction masatuah? is he surprised? or is he thinking like 'oh ani kah this girl?' hehe... After the show over, yeah sesi gambar dan berjumpa kawan2. saying congratulations and everything. Do u think i met him? who said yes? or no?
It's a YES! :)
That time was the help by kaka gg yg tersayang. I asked kaka to call his name out. so she called his fulled name out loud. Hehehe.. Aaaah mcam kan berjumpa artis saja ee. Hanya Allah saja yang tahu betapa nervous nye saya. Kaka lagi cakap 'ada yang kan jumpa' sound like that. And i said "ambil gambar?" ughh stupid! and he said "di mana?" iakah ia cakap macamatu. i forgot. And i took photo of him, his graduate certificate. Alhamdulillah. Good result :) The most embarrassing part was when i took photo together with him. hmmm i wonder why i did that? sekali lagi 'hanya ALLAH saja yang tahu' i'm not ready yet! macam bergambar sama artis. i'm not even smiling on both of the photos! N E R V O U S! if i'm not mistaken my last request to him was 'rajin2 balas whatsapp ah' hehe.. oh dammint! why am i saying that? :3 So what happened after we met? are we still contacting with each other?
YUPS! even though i talked and whatsapp him first :"(
TRAGICALLY UNTIL NOW.. OPPS CAPS LOCK! yes until now. I even confessed to him that 'i like him' his reaction is nothing to describe. He actually a good person. Maybe thats why i like him. thats why i have the guts to say to him. kalau boleh face to face is better. right? kan menyunting hatinya? hehehe.. so this is my story. this is just a beginning.
"If someday you read this. i just wanna tell u. i still like u no matter what it is. please don't torture my heart. it's hurt. you been hurting me even we don't have this special kind of relationship. you always make me to like you everyday. i always try to avoid u, but i cried myself. thank you for all the stories that u share to me. About the most shocking story u told me for your future jodoh tu "i am sincerely aching and afraid of losing you" Over all, thank you for being a nice person to me. i am happy with you but sometimes it's hurt. can you just stop thinking about your ex-girlfriend? walaupun pernah disakiti tapi bolehkah percaya suatu hari nanti ada seseorang yang lebih menyanyangimu? do not give up. If only u know, i am always in your heart."
ignore this photo.. hahaha =)
Wow.. i'm tired. ok . That's all from me now. Thank you for reading this. I love you to all who put their time to read this. I only want to write what i feel so this is it. I will come back again, Insyaa Allah..