Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Do you ever feel how love can turn your life upside down?... you never know. it was really indescribable. i was really speechless on that time where the guy i secretly love, love me the way i love him. it was really make my days goes from zero to a million numbers but i can't never choose either one of the numbers. i was so overjoyed when i received an exciting news yet makes me ten thousand breakdown after i saw a really long confession letter from him.
Di sinilah mulanya bila perasaan bercampur baur..
How is it feel when the guy you love the most never replied any of your texts and ignore you for just an hour? or a several days? may be a month? aren't you gonna give up on him by finding any different new guys just to avoid your lonely days.. i did! hahaha.. but luckily before he's gone for days i told him about this new guy friend. he responded me a normal reaction and it was so unbelievable that he said it was ok because a friend of yours, just like me. i am your friends... hmmm macam... ok! apakan! omg! what! hahaha.. i never though that was his answered.. you know i want to make you jealous! whatever.. i did talk with this new guy friend. his face just look like this singer from Indonesia named Afgan... ada lesung pipit, almost-chinese-babyface, and wearing a spectacles.. samaaaa.. he is two years younger than me and absolutely make my days goes better everyday.. but he can't never help me to forget this first guy i love. he can just makes my days cheerful. he makes me smile and laugh. sometimes i feel guilty toward him. i mean how sweet this guy is to me walaupun tah ia ani so young... childish? yes he is..a bit i guess.. i even shared him about my first love who didn't text all my messages.. he gave me a great advices. he gave me a moral support to be more patient on waiting someone.. 'kalau jodoh tidak ke mana' i don't know if he considered me more than a friend, even he just knew me for two weeks? boleh ah.
On Monday, 10.28 pm, this guy name M.. (yes, his name start with a letter M) texted me and asked me about my email because he got a letter that he wrote for me to read in his email.. wow.. you know my heartbeat was accelerated. siapa jua inda akan terkejut bila tiba-tiba sahaja he asked me about my email, letter and he got something for me to read... waaaa... stressful! once he send the email to me. yes i immediately went to gmail to check whats the letter all about... seriously kan bersangka baik dalam fikiran masatu langsung nada.. semua sangkaan yang buruk-buruk.. what ifs? what ifs? what ifs? hahaha. lagi-lagi tah bila nampak sekali pandang ia tulis dengan panjang sekali.. 3 paragraphs.. i was soooooooo frighten that i went to my friend, Colby. i told her to read it for me. whilst that i cried heavily... what ifs are the words that rounding inside my mind. Colby read it to me then she told me to read those by myself. masih jua dengan keras kepala atu nyuruh ia bacakan... Colby told me for short about his past.. bla-bla-bla. hahaha. dengan perasaan yang kuat atu memberanikan diri jua membaca surat atu. i went to my bed while listening to Afgan's song "sabar" on repeat. i read it scrutinised. And of course it brought me in tears after he confessed about he felt toward me.. Ya Allah it was soooooo amazing! i never felt this kind of way before. it totally gave me butterflies... i even shared this to Kaka Katy. She is the best sister ever, who gave me a moral support and several advices.. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for giving me opportunities to feel this "love-magical-kind-of-feeling" hahahaha. i don't give a quick respond on that night. i went to Istikharah the day after tomorrow. Alhamdulillah... after i finished perform my solat Istikahrah and Suboh. i received his text in Wechat (a best social network, that brought me to know him) Do you know M.. i don't even care your past, your bad history toward some of your ex-girlfriends. i even much more grateful to get to know you. i am this girl who never care whats that person did in the past. all people deserved a second chance. we can change by never did the same mistake twice.forget the past and move on. thank you M for loving me and confessed and shared me everything. i never been appreciated by what you done toward me. Mashaa Allah. Siapalah saya untuk si dia mencintai diri ini.. saya tidak sempurna, tetapi saya berusaha belajar untuk memperbaiki diri.
He even asked me either i can accept his feelings toward me.. hahaha.. i'm not directly saying 'yes' to him... so i requested him to ask me the same question again once we meet. i wanna see that. i wanna see his honesty toward me. i wanna see his face. i wanna see how he going to say that in front of me. i wanna how my reaction is (even i can't see my own reflection for this) hahaha.. we wait and see... i don't even know this either... yang penting semoga Allah izinkan semuanya.. semoga Allah berikan jawapan yang selama ani kitani cari tapi belum di temui akan di temui secepat mungkin hehehe... no worries M, i will never disappointed you.... semoga apa yang di cari itu lah dia..
Wow.... when is the last time i wrote this kind of pleasant post? it been such a long time... atu pun semua pengakuan tentang jejaka-jejaka kupusb that i admired but never worked at all.. why? i mostly told them i like them than they likes me.. hahaha pathetic.. but now Alhamdulillah.. some random guy i know that not from Kupusb, age 30, good-looking (hahaha), wearing spectacle, cute smile and ada janggut... (almost perfect to me. just to my own self he is perfect, well the fact that the first time we met and he met my parents.. he is really nice) seriously! additionally he even confessed all his heart to me... waaaaa.. lovey dovey jua ku tu... hehehe
by writing this i smiled from my heart. i am so thrilled!
as what i know mungkin banyak lagi ujian yang akan aku tempuhi dan ujian yang memberi kitani banyak pengalaman. In syaa Allah, keep praying to Allah. never stop praying...
kini aku berharap waktu akan membawa diri ini kepada mu...
Labels: 2014, April, cute, happy, love, smile, tumblr, Update